Several hundred million non-technical primates went "ooooh" last night when Microsoft unveiled their ostentatiously sci-fi surface computer. Or, as the kind folks at Bloggingstocks point out, a coffee table with a PC built into its base.

Yeah, it's nice eye candy. As previously mentioned, it's very sci-fi looking. Like jingling their keys in front of a toddler Microsoft has entranced everyone with, basically, a table that breaks easier.

Move past the eye candy. Move past the silly, insanely inefficient displays used in movies like Minority Report. Move past the cheesy sci-fi.

Tables are for putting things on. Of all our furniture (save maybe the couches of fat-asses), tables take the most brutal beating. You can't use a simple, cheap touchscreen--Microsoft's product uses a series of cameras to make it work through the glass.

And why? Once you get past the eye candy--which will be boring in less than three years--there's no real function of this.

You want a product that will actually get used? It's called a tablet PC with bluetooth and a camera. Yup. It can do everything Microsoft's fancy-pants table can do. Cheaper, too.

And it would have one amazing feature Microsoft's table will never have: Portability.

Take it to your friend's house. Or a meeting room. Or the bathroom if you really want to. Casinos and restaurants can glue them to the table if they really want to.

But put it inside a table? Please. More expensive. More fragile. No upgrade path. And you need one for every god damned room.

Which is Microsoft's entire point, I suppose :P